My struggle has been going on for almost 3.5 years now and if I consider what is causing it to prolong the struggle this much, it has been going on since summer of 2006-that is almost 6 years. I just don’t know what happens to me when I sit with my thesis. All the negative energy rush through, various negative energies, some understandable and some not, some explainable and some beyond that. There are some really negative memories associated with UDM and Detroit and those all come rushing back whenever I sit with something associated with those two. Read somewhere long back that “people don’t exactly remember what you said to them, they remember how you made them feel”—something similar going on here—nothing major but all small things which UDM and Detroit made me feel over the years has filled my mind with bitterness. Those tough times with financiers, not-so-happy feeling with reputation vs fees of UDM, those burnt down houses, that ghetto-ish leaving conditions…all adds-up I guess.
I so clearly know that going past this is the only option, and actually life will get lot easier once I’m done with this. So much depends on that and yet I can’t (=don’t) put in enough efforts. I just make peace with my wrong decisions, can’t get over with other people’s success, can’t stop feeling jelous about few guy’s success, which I feel they don’t deserve.
Abandoning this again, without finishing, editing or another read. Story of my life.