Saturday, August 8, 2009

I wish...

Has anybody ever felt something like this, the way I’m feeling right now. I’m not feeling like returning to reality, I just want to be in the other world; my imaginary world, where everything is perfect, everybody is happy and every story has a happy ending. Surfing net, watching movies, reading blogs, checking news, keeping track of cricket, taking update of bollywood…want to do everything BUT what I’m supposed to do. I feel so frustrated when I come out of my imaginary world, and it’s a very strange kinda frustration; frustration of facing reality as well as frustration from myself that I was in my imaginary world, wasting precious time, how ironical !!

I don’t find any way to bounce back from this point. I have had my share of struggles and have bounced back a few times in my life but not anymore, don’t have that energy, don’t have that enthusiasm, don’t have that zeal to do anything. In some corner of my heart I’ve a feeling- a feeling like a small child that in a blink of an eye everything will be changed, life would be again happy saga, my world would be a nice place to live and I shall keep in touch with old friends. I shall come out of this hiding, not physical but mental hiding, I won’t lie to anybody, I will call people, I will talk happily, I will pick-up phones, I will make plans, I will laugh from my heart, I will win over my inferiority complex, I will be out of this ever confusing time, I will take decisions confidently, I will express my views, I will be brutally honest, I will be again strong headed, I will be again a winner. Please help me, I want to come out of this phase, cannot take this anymore, there are unfinished task, there are things to do but somehow couldn’t gather that energy.

I cannot go back, I cannot move forward, there are thousands different ways to go somewhere from this point, there isn’t a single way to come out of this mess. Confidence is at rock bottom. Frustration is sky high. Where to go, what to do, whom to chat…just a blink of an eye and everything would be the way I wanted. I just wish.