My struggle.

My struggle has been going on for almost 3.5 years now and if I consider what is causing it to prolong the struggle this much, it has been going on since summer of 2006-that is almost 6 years. I just don’t know what happens to me when I sit with my thesis. All the negative energy rush through, various negative energies, some understandable and some not, some explainable and some beyond that. There are some really negative memories associated with UDM and Detroit and those all come rushing back whenever I sit with something associated with those two. Read somewhere long back that “people don’t exactly remember what you said to them, they remember how you made them feel”—something similar going on here—nothing major but all small things which UDM and Detroit made me feel over the years has filled my mind with bitterness. Those tough times with financiers, not-so-happy feeling with reputation vs fees of UDM, those burnt down houses, that ghetto-ish leaving conditions…all adds-up I guess.

I so clearly know that going past this is the only option, and actually life will get lot easier once I’m done with this. So much depends on that and yet I can’t (=don’t) put in enough efforts.  I just make peace with my wrong decisions, can’t get over with other people’s success, can’t stop feeling jelous about few guy’s success, which I feel they don’t deserve.

Abandoning  this again, without finishing, editing or another read. Story of my life. 

How things change !

Reading in Gujarati is altogether a different fun. Ever since I remember I always liked reading, from the very young age to up-till now I've not lost habit of reading,though 'type' of reading has varied a lot. When I was a kid I used to read Gujarati weekly( or probably fortnightly) fulvadi, chandan, chandamama etc, then I gradually progressed to Newspapers ( mainly Gujrat Samachar) to Safari magazine to novels of Harikisan Mehta and likes etc. 


Now I mostly read English non-fiction, bunch of celebrity/non-celebrity blogs and loads of columns/news articles. I usually have an opinion of just about everything ( don't know it's bad or good !!) and usually discuss current affairs with friends or on in the cloud. In-the-cloud option gives me chance to be a free flowing ranter [ which I immensely enjoy, as I can change my view anytime and nobody can hold me responsible for anything :D---on a side note, I always wonder how columnist deal with such pressure where somebody can hold them responsible for every single word they utter,anytime. And as our views change with time it's really difficult being a  celebrity]


Basically I'd started writing today keeping in mind to rant against Jay Vasavda :) but as I'm on some diffrent course I'd do that some other time and stick with this random stuff. 
Sometimes I wonder, how my taste has changed over the years on just about everything. ( on a second thought I still like same kinda music so I'd rephrase the initial sentence with "taste have changed on few things") My guess is, there could be several reasons behind that: 
a) Time has changed- so basically what was right then is no more right kinda statement. 
b) I've become more informed-this one is absolute truth, as everyone learns a thing or two everyday. 
c) I've become more open to thing called 'perspective'-now I've become more receptive to different views and moreover now I understand that there are very few 'absolute truths'--most of the things are mere perspective and everyone should learn to respect other's view point.


The last paragraph is kinda of a starting point of how I feel about Jay Vasavda ( and for that matter other things/people I used to love). I would write 'lows-highs and in-betweens about JV' some other time and this would be my starting point.

Troublesome Pakistan.

Chetan Bhagat wrote an article in TOI over our FM's visit to Pakistan, what they discussed, how things unfolded and what should have happen. you can read it here.

This is what I wrote him back:

I like your article, reasoning and examples. I like everything but the media part. I don’t know how many Pakistanis you personally know but I happen to know quite a few, with my little bit exposure to them I’ve learnt that more India we show to them more trivial things we give away to discuss. They are and were already very well aware of our free society BUT now they point out Naxals, corrupt politicians, dumb journalist and opportunistic self-made netas ( read Thackerys and likes) in every other discussion and make fun of us.

They really don’t take our success seriously, few might feel some jealousy for couple of issues here and there but on the whole they feel that we are also fucked up same way as Pakistanis.
I strongly feel we don’t have anything to showcase except freedom of speech ( that too is way limited). I’d rather give away Kashmir and protect rest of the country ( it’s whole another issue and one can argue endlessly over it !).

Peace and love.

My own perspective on Joel Stein's My Own Private India.

There is a great amount of outrage over Joel Stein’s piece in Time magazine about Indian immigrants in Edison, New Jersey. The article named ‘My Own Private India’ was published in Time on July 5 and since then it’s been in the news, and mostly for wrong reasons.

As soon as the article published some south Asian association started an online sign petition against it and asked Time magazine and the author to apologies for racial stereo types which they believed was demeaning to Indian immigrants. Even well known Indian origin actor Kal Penn, who is part of ‘Harold and Kumar’ movie franchise posted a piece on Hufington Post to register his discomfort. Now let’s come to the point.

I read the article the very same day and had mixed feelings about the article. I generally enjoy black humor and sarcasms and I enjoyed this column as well but as it happens to everybody, it was bit difficult to digest few things that was written in the article for me for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t go into details about the article as you can read the article, but would like to make few generic comments:

• Humor is basically observing everyday things which others have missed out. When such humor is targeted to some specific group some displeasure is bound to happen, it’s just a natural thing. We always enjoy such racial stereotypes as far as it does not include us, so the point is to be open minded. Our very own call center ‘manuals’ read that an average American’s IQ is of a 12 years old ( or whatever the exact age is !) and we never miss a chance to have a laugh at such comments then why such double standards( and we conveniently miss the point that the US is the birthplace of 90% of modern technologies).
• How one can have issues with somebody expressing his view. One can agree or disagree with something but CANNOT ask to apologize someone just because he/she has a different opinion. I can see Joel’s perspective of writing about his home town and the change his town has gone through, it’s coincidental that Indian immigrants were part of that transition. (BTW we would agree to half of the so-called ‘offending’ things Joel has written any given day, it’s just that someone else is telling us and that part we don’t like). We might have issues with Time publishing such a ‘blog’ kinda stuff but having issues with Joel’s wiring is bit childish.
• He tried to balance racial remarks (thought he wasn’t quite there) by inserting few negative comments about his own community as well, I think one should consider that too.
• Most importantly, ‘being offended’, ‘getting hurt’ etc is not a sign of a confident man or a mature society. Being offended means one is taking someone’s comment way too seriously and does not have enough confidence to believe in his own culture/society/thought process. Not listening to other views is like seeing something from one perspective only ( like a famous example of 2 colored car) and even worse NOT let them speak.

So basically I did not enjoy the column the way I would enjoy same thing written about some other community but that only shows my lack of maturity to understand racial stereotypes which exists in real world.

Me calling me :)

Five things to remember, follow and stick to:

1.Past/Future:

Get over things quickly, 'ifs' and 'buts' are not going to help you in any way. You can always learn a thing or few from your past but that's it, learn those and move on. There is not point going back and forth to all those things which make you feel sad/depress. Future; No body knows what is going to happen next moment. Alright, you can always argue that one can be well prepared for the coming issues ! BUT really nobody knows, then why bother. live in the moment. Do the right thing. Aim of life is to be happy all the time and to live satisfactory life, and these things come from your outlook towards situations, not the actual situations.

2. All is well.

when ever you feel sad, tell your heat " All izzz well". throw away all the negative feelings, the only contribution those feelings could make is to delay healing process, hamper your decision making process and push you into less productive cycle. Throw away ' sadness, anxiety, jealousy, frustration, loss of confidence, helpless ness' etc etc. Welcome, happiness, confidence, honesty, satisfaction; be positive-follow your heart, do whatever you feel like doing and be ready to face consequences, no regret just fun !. ALL IZZZ WELL. "मन का हो तो अच्छा, न हो और भी अच्छा"

3 Time management.

Don't waste time, there are so many things you can learn, there are so many ways you can spend your time more effectively-more productively. OK, so you like visiting movie websites and faltu blogs? do it, no problem, but don't over-do it. Visit those stuff ( News, movies, social networking, blogs etc) twice a day, but then give it a break. Make list of top 3 things in your life that you should be doing right now in terms of having long time happiness. Do those in cycle, do something else in between. Stay focused. Time is very important, wasting time is like wasting opportunity. And really, that's the last thing you want to do.

4. Bigger picture.

Always keep in mind the bigger picture, small term suffering, small term embarrassment, small term awkwardness- everything is fine, unless and until they serve towards purpose of fulfilling your long time goal. Focus on your goal, goal of ultimate happiness and do whatever it takes to reach there, don't get bogged down by everyday small-little-petty issues. Remember " जीवन हैं तो संघर्ष हैं"

5.Confidence/Honesty.

Confidence in your self, in you action is very important. obviously, you will go wrong quite a few times, but who cares, learn a thing or few from the experience, add to your wisdom and keep doing things you love to do. Stay hungry-Stay foolish. Like they say " when you loose, don't loose the lesson'. No body is perfect and it's perfectly OK to NOT KNOW few things here and there. No body expects you to know everything under the sun. Live for your self, not for others, Confidence is the key. Your confidence can even get you things that you don't deserve, then what's the point loosing confidence. Be honest as well, if you don't know something, admit it. Learn-grow-prosper.

Lots of love.

Bye Bye Gazals !!

Listening to gazals during growing up years have big impact on me. I have had friends who would tell me that listening to depressing gazals can lead you to depressed mood or negative attitude, I never listened to them. Now when I think of my habit of submerging my self in Jagjit Singh and Ghulam Ali gazals, I can see the clear pattern. I never wanted to admit this, although back of my mind I have started realizing its negative effects on me from years. Yes those friends were right, Soumi is right, happy music churns out happy people and vice versa.

I guess gazals provide that deadly combination of sophistication of an art and romanticizing soz ( an urdu word for pain, basically emotional pain, see talking in urdu now !! ). I don’t know how many people do the same thing but I have a strong feeling that lots of feel the same. I was really out of this and now again when I have started feeling sad I’ve gone back to old habit, have to stop it, happy people don’t listen to this and people who listens can not be happy. At least that’s how it works for me.

Bye bye gazals for now, see you later when I grow up and get over the above mentioned 2 domination negative factors. Ciao.

Eye for an eye would make the whole world blind !!

I would prefer blind love over hate created by enlightenment. We really don’t know what is going on behind the close doors in world politics, business politics...in short any politics. Reading more about inside stories, getting informed, having opinion, it’s all bullshit, it does not help in any way, everything just contribute towards more hate. Why can’t we just shut up, and love each other.

Trace back the cycle from where we are right now and try to understand the chain reaction. Muslim extremism in one of the biggest threat to world and Inida, so where does it come from, they argue a bout Gujarat-2002, Hindus of Gujarat blame it on Godhra, they will say there wasn’t anything like Godhra, it was a conspiracy, we blame it on 93-bombay blasts, they will state Dec 6-babari masjid was the root cause, we will say there was a Ram temple there and they don’t have any right to claim that land for masjid, they will say Ram never existed…blah blah blah…why we indulge in such a non-issues after all. Advani needed an agenda to shine at national politics, BJP didn’t have any great issue to make it an election agenda, what to do, make a trivial thing an issue. That’s how it all started. One guy’s personal-selfish ambition and short slightness of people around him and their selfishness, people who elected those...everybody pushed us into this horrible condition…who is at fault?

Now you know something more about what happened and why we are in such a horrible situation, what difference that makes to your life. If you are Hindu you might not agree with this (and say congress’s vote bank politics created Hindu fundamentalists) and probably become extremist or if you agree you might become soft right-winger. If you are a Muslim you will say..” see, we don’t get proper treatment, we’ll fight for our cause”. If you are none, nobody will listen to you as you do not belong to large chunk of vote bank ( unless you are dalit or something…another issue). Bottom line is from which ever group you belong to, these politicians will screw you and make you believe that eye-for-an-eye is THE way to go…sadly that will make whole world blind...and that is why I'd prefer blind love over enlightenment.